The year that was...

Thank God ... 2005 is over

And as the new year comes to life, I too have to make a new beginning... a brand new beginning. In the other blog i was cribbing as to how life had become stagnant and why there were no drastric changes in life and then the change struck and how ... and here I am, confused as to whether I should look back at the year that went by or forget everything and look ahead.

I shall look back for once ... because the year did have many moments to savour, though it was all swallowed up by that one moment.

"Well- let me dive into the depths of time,
And bring out from the year that has rolled
A few small fragments of those wrecks sublime,
Which human eyes may never behold"

[ The context in which the poem was originally written may not fit in this situation, but then, the words certainly do ]

The beginning of the year -

It was fun. I remember the sunday tests. For most CA students, it is the biggest pain in the ass, but we (I and my group of friends) really enjoyed it. They were like weekly picnics ... all of us stuffed in the car, carrying tiffins and going to have ice creams or rolls or chaat after the exam... shall never forget those days.

Sonu Bhaiya also dropped in and we had a great time. Also got my digicam ... the year did start with a bang.

Then came the high of the year ... 25th Anniversary of Mom n Dad. It was simply awesome. The whole family had got together after a very long time. I seemed to have wheels under my feet ... making all the arrangements. The party had a touch of perfection ... the decoration, the food, the ambience, everything was better than what we had planned. And then the adda we had after the party, who can forget that ... n mom n dad singing together ...

Then came the B.Com Part 1 exams and during those days I suddenly started feeling lonely, but once the exams were over, I was back in high spirits. Read a few books, played cricket, watched movies.

By now the time to prepare for CA Inter had come, I was not studying enough, but then it wasn't too bad either. Bhaiya also came in August - September. However did not have too much fun with him as Inter was always there at the back of my mind. In the midst of this all, came another high of the year ... my B.Com results ... 83%, 2nd in the college, n most likely in the University as well. I was on top of the world .

October was a slog... studied harder than ever before, but not without the mid night madness with Rohit Bhaiya on Panchami night.

Then came CA Inter ... n I managed to do decently in almost all the papers. However, those 7 days were real tough days. I had never put in so much effort ever before and literally, I was running on medicines !!!

Post Inter, I was having a pretty relaxed time, until nemesis struck and my world came tumbling down. Since then life hasn't been easy... Anyways, I wont write more on that ...

Concluding ... a year of many highs, but little did I know that a big fall awaited me ...

Anyways ... A very happy new year to one and all!!

In wilderness

All of a sudden, I’ve fallen in a dark maze… I really don’t know what lies ahead of me … I have my sense of direction … I know I have to keep walking … But what is my destination… I don’t know … I just have to keep walking.

There are people to show me the direction, but where’s the hand I was holding, I feel around for it … I just can’t accept the fact that I won’t be holding it anymore … But I want to realize it fast … let the worst come and go … this vague world I am living in is just killing me…

Education system going haywire??

Yesterday I met Mr. Kapadia, one of my teachers at school.

It was quite an experience meeting him. Though I was meeting him after more than two years, he remembered me very well. We had a more than one and a half hour chat and we talked on varied topics – politics, cricket, education, school, discipline, literature, history, etc.

A topic we discussed at length was the system of education in India that is going absolutely haywire. The thirst for knowledge is lacking. The only motivation behind getting an education is getting a good job. Getting a good job is important, but I believe that we should not forget that the ultimate aim of education is not getting employment.

Graduate students appear for management examinations, not because they want to become business administrators, but because after getting an MBA degree, getting a job becomes relatively easier. Management institutes are becoming job generators for the students. In fact, the system of doing MBA immediately after graduation is only an Indian concept. Most of the foreign universities require a decent work experience. This is because, according to them, a student must know what to manage before he specializes in management. Management, according to me, is like icing on the cake, rather than the cake itself.

(many people also tell me that I'll be wasting 3 years by doing articleship and giving C.A. final. I should give CAT, do MBA and get a job. All I need to say to them is that I don't want to become a part of the rat race. My intention behind doing C.A. is not just getting a degree, but becoming a good and knowledgeable professional. I shall try for MBA only after completing C.A.)

At the school level, the academic pressure on students is increasing steadily. There is cut throat competition and only the above average do reasonably well. This is resulting in more and more tuitions. Some personal attention is undoubtedly good, but having 5-6 tuitions makes no sense to me.

However, what hurts me more is the plight of the primary school kids. I hardly ever remember coming back home and studying in my junior school days, except on the days before class tests, and that too may be an hour or something. As a result, we had plenty of time for various other activities and that I believe led to all round development, without attending any special classes or anything.

Nowadays, even toddlers have tuitions in the evenings, which according to me, is the time for playing. There is a continuous pressure of home-works, tests, etc. They hardly find any time for reading, indulging in arts and crafts or play silly games with friends. Parents force their kids to read, as it is supposed to be a healthy habit, and even reading becomes a work for them and they don’t enjoy it anymore. Regarding games, things are getting ‘professionalised’ and kids are sent to clubs for playing. I think that this involves unnecessary effort and time. Playing also becomes a work this way. Playing at clubs can never match the fun of spending evenings with friends playing silly games or doing silly things or discussing silly matters.

Is academic pressure and too much professionalism snatching the trivial moments of bliss of children that they would have cherished all their lives? I definitely think so…

College Life

Writing about a life that hardly existed is somewhat difficult, but still as it is one of the phases of life, I thought I should write something about it, now that it has reached its twilight phase.

First of all, can you believe it … the little kid called Teen is at the twilight of his college life … frankly speaking, I myself can’t digest it. I am undoubtedly very happy that a couple of weeks from now, I won’t have to go to college anymore … there is nothing really pleasing about it, but I am also feeling awkward that another phase of my life is coming to an end … have I really grown up so much? I don’t want to become so big so fast … I haven’t had a proper affair till now … disgusting!!!

Most of the early 1990’s movies and many of them even these days center around college students and their affairs … it is difficult to digest that these movies involved people who are supposed to be younger to me … really weird.

I think I am going of the track… coming back to my college life …

IT WAS BAD…

The worst part about it was the timing – getting up at 5 in the morning day in and day out was painful to say the least. Especially, reaching college before sunrise in January was a disgusting experience. (I really pity the profs)

Then, apart from a couple of teachers, none of the teachers were any good. They just delivered lectures and went away, hardly arousing any interest in the subjects. Special mention must be made of 2 teachers – Mr. Lobwo, who taught us Cost and Tax (200 out of 400 marks) and Mr. Roy, who taught us FMO (50 marks). If I would have studied what they had taught us and gone and given the exams, I would have got 38% instead of 83% in part 1.

In the 3rd year, the pressure of C.A. Inter was always there and going to college was a headache. On one hand we had to study for C.A. and on the other we had the problem of attendance. We could never breathe easy. All that was being taught in the college had already been covered by us, and hence attending college was wastage of precious time.

Apart from that, the administration block of our college was as good as a Government Department, their sole objective being how to make life more difficult for the students. There were always huge queues for stupid things and the attitude of the staff was anything but co-operative. The weirdest thing was that after paying fees in the bank, we had to get it verified in the office. It is difficult to imagine that a huge institution like ours does not follow a computerized system for recording of fees paid by students. There are no computerized records of the marks obtained by us in the internal exams as well!!!

Coming to the junta… I was a clear misfit among the crowd. I basically found that most of the students in my college are extremely self- centered. There is no urge for gaining knowledge … I mean the basic objective behind education is getting a job (or being qualified enough to get a good dowry). Inquisitiveness was completely lacking. I also felt that they do not have much respect for the world around them. I always found people criticizing or mocking others … the basic attitude was “I am the best … the rest are all fools.” Best example was one of my classmates showing off that he had never read a book even in his school library with an air that people who read have such lack in life.

At this moment, I am also criticizing but I can’t help it. College Life was a major disappointment.

[But, side-by-side, I had plenty of tuitions and there I found plenty of good friends, so I never really missed college life. None of my friends at my tuition had the above said characteristics so I got along well with them and had plenty of fun.]

At college, I found a very good friend in Varun and I am really grateful to him for all the company he gave me during those boring hours at college. I also made 3-4 other friends at college and though they are not very close to me, I did have fun with them during classes at times.

That, in a nutshell, was my life at St. Xavier’s College. Just 3 more days or regular class and 5 days of exams and then relief. No regrets that my college life has ended. I can just recall one moment that I shall treasure … the ovation I got when I walked into the class after my Part – 1 results !!

Shocking...

Of all the matches I have seen at the Edens, today was by far the most disappointing and what disappointed me more than the poor performance of the side was the attitude and the behaviour of the crowd.

Just because Saurav Ganguly wasn't playing, these buggers were trying to show that they are supporting South Africa to prove that without him the Indian team is impotent. The crowd reaction to Sachin's and Dravid's dismissals showed it all. They clapped and cheered. I am not supporting their poor performance, but I don't think the public has the right to boo people who have contributed such a lot to Indian cricket. Not to forget that in his last appearance at Eden gardens, Dravid had scored back to back hundreds. Why did you cheer him then and boo him today? Just because he has taken over the captaincy of the team that till recently belonged to Sourav?

It basically proves that these people put individuals above the team. Sourav had been shown the boot on the back of a lean patch that had continued for so long that it wasn't a patch anymore. The international arena is not the place where you try and regain form. And now that he has performed he has been selected for the test team. What's wrong with that? It's 100% fair play.

Above all, a pitch condusive to pace ballers had been prepared so that Indian batsmen have problems and the absence of Saurav is felt ... this is heights of narrow mindedness. CAB should be penalised for this by not holding any more matches here for sometime.

I am sorry that I was a part of such an unsporting crowd today.

A few hundred spent (wisely)

Went to Crossword today. Bought 3 books... total damages = Rs. 784/-. Spending on books give me great satisfaction ... I don't know why. I feel as if the money has been invested in some permanent asset. I may get back to the books raraely, but still, a glance at my bookshelf, with all its wealth, gives me tremendous pleasure.

The past few months have been especially good and about 7-8 books have been added to the shelf, substituting some stupid sidney sheldon books. Books that have been added include "To kill a mocking bird", "those days", "first light", "my exepriments with truth", an R.K. Laxman book, "Catch 22", "Kim" and a couple of other books left behind by bhaiya, which I am yet to read.

Anyways, as I said, today I bought 3 books. "Prothom Aalo", by Sunil Gangopadhyay, which is the original of "First Light", mentioned above. Mummy did not want to read the translation, so I decided to give her the original as her birthday gift (her b'day happened to be yesterday). In fact I am in the process of reading "First Light" now and am enjoying it thoroughly. It's been an enlightening exeprience, to say the least. I was quite ignorant about the rich cultural heritage of our Country and especially Bengal. This book, along with its prequel, "Those Days", has helped to dispel this ignorance to some extend.

The second book is "It's not about a bike", the biography of Lance Armstrong. This book was recommended to me by bhaiya. (In fact, Those Days and First Light were also his recommendations) Whatever little he told me about this person really impressed me and I wanted to know more about him.

Finally, the 3rd one is a pictoral biography of Sachin Tendulkar. I would not have bought it hadn't it been for the attractive price. The book originally worth 495/- was being offered at 199/-. I couldn't resist the temptation. Everyone knows how much I admire him. Even though, some people may consider it a waste of money, I don't care.

Anyways, I hope i find time to read all these books. Right now I have 6-7 books queued up. But I have plenty of time. Once I get over with "First Light", which I guess will take another 2 days, I shall start with Lance Armstrong. I shall try and write a review of First Light and if it comes out well, it may be one of my next posts!

Desiderata

My brother had sent me this write up by Max Ehrmannn some years ago, but then it had seemed full of worthless fundaes. But now when I read it again, i found it to be so beautiful...

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, andwhatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

-- Max Ehrmannn

Confused and lost

As I laid my head on the pillow, I heard the sound of a train … thanks to the stillness of the night … I liked it for no apparent reason … there seemed to be something romantic about it … I felt like writing a poem

As the last ray of the sun
Dip into the endless seas
Darkness falls enchanting – fearful
About the night there’s something beautiful

Didn’t come out according to my liking … I stopped there … I did not want to write a poem anymore … but I did not want to sleep as well. I just sat on my chair with my study lamp turned on, stared outside the window and let my thoughts go astray…

We are just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here…

Am I also just a lost soul? Am I losing myself in the circular pattern of life or am I moving ahead? What do I want? Am I fearless? No I am not… but what is it that I am afraid of? I don’t know…

I tried to stop thinking, but I couldn’t.

We always wait for drastic changes in life, but they never come. It’s always the same. I used to think that once my exams get over, my life shall change drastically, I shall do this, I shall do that … but here I am doing almost nothing all day. Just lazing time away … (that is a drastic change in a way) … but still I can’t quench my thirst. Probably there is so much to do that in the confusion I am ending up doing nothing (or just writing blogs each day).

A tribute to a great man

Few people have the luck of growing up beneath the shadows of a great man and one such lucky person is I. No points for guessing who the great man is ... who else but Mama.

I had wanted to write something about him from the day I started my blog, but now when he has been selected to receive an award from the President for the 2nd time, I decided that it is high time my blog is decorated with a tribute to the king of jewels... the diamond shining brightly amidst the terrors of darkness … enlightening our lives…

The reason I couldn’t write about him earlier was that I really didn’t know where to start … there is so much I can write about him that I get lost.

If a physically challenged person leads a normal life then people say that it is quite an achievement, but here is a man who leads a supernormal life in spite of being blind and the most amazing thing is that you won’t realize that he is blind even when you have been face to face with him for quite sometime.

He is an epitome of hard work and determination. Even we have our share of problems while appearing for Chartered Accountancy Examinations and it is absolutely unimaginable how he could complete the course and not just that … he has gone on to become a very well known Chartered Accountant, with a number of books to his credit as well, one of which has won the Literary Award from the Ministry of Finance.

I have had the luck of spending a lot of time with him and I have learnt a lot from him. Principally, he is a very upright man and he can never sacrifice his principles for anything. His management capabilities are evident from the fact that he manages a petrol pump single handedly, in spite of this limitation, and this petrol pump is one of the premier Indian Oil outlets of the city … no mean achievement. As an income tax practitioner, his knowledge of the law is astute and he can turn any case in his favour. It is absolutely impossible to defeat him in an argument … be it a matter of law or be it a matter of cricket.

But the most amazing thing about him is his thirst for accumulating knowledge and spreading knowledge. He is a man who can learn from the lowest and teach the highest. He won’t even mind learning how to clean a drain from a sweeper. From medicine to engineering, from cricket to food, he takes interest in everything and he strives to know more about everything. They say that knowledge is the real light and though nature has been very unkind in taking light away from his eyes, he has lit the light of knowledge within his soul.

He has won innumerable awards from various organizations, but in spite of these achievements, he remains modest and maintains a low profile. When he talks to us, he gets down to our level and talks to us like a friend. Often he will call us and we shall spend long hours chatting on all kinds of worthless matters. He yearns for our company and will not let us go easily. He is an ocean of love – he has got love for everyone around him. It is not for no reason that when I broke my head as a 2 years old kid, I refused to get my head stitched unless he came and took me in his lap.

His ability to solve any kind of problem is just amazing. From cars to computers, from official matters to matters of police, from plumbing problems to electric problems, he has got the solution for everything. Whenever we are in any sort of trouble, the first person whom we contact is he. We know that once a matter comes to his knowledge, we can stop worrying about it because he will take the matter in his hands and deal with it accordingly.

I could go on and on writing about him. He is more than a father figure to me. He is my ideal – if I could achieve even an iota of what he has, I shall consider myself successful… hats off to the man who personifies the saying “Where there is a will, there is a way”. No obstacle can stop you if you are determined to achieve your goal.

Mama … you are my source of inspiration … I shall always remain indebted to you for whatever you have taught me…

Year end review

It's been more than one year now since I published this blog and though it became dormant at times, I did manage to post a few blogs and I have enjoyed blogging even though some of my write ups at best can be said to be average.

My favourite bit of blogging was in April - May, when the bug of the poet got into me and I ended up posting 4-5 poems in a very short span of time. The poems may not be too hi-fi n all, but still I enjoyed writing them and am somewhat proud of them.

My favourite blog must be "Of crushes and emotions". While I was writing that I really felt that I was being able to express my feelings and I really loved the begining of the blog. In fact I thought that it was quite a pro-type beginning. Also, it was taken very sportingly by the addressee and that pleased me! As for the situation now ... she has become a much better friend of mine than she was that time. I guess we know each other much better now. That was all I had wanted from her and I got that ... so I am pretty happy!!!

Next in line must be the blog I wrote on Mahatma Gandhi. The very fact that Bhaiya said that it was "a well written essay", convinced me that it must indeed be well written because he is one person who'll never compliment me unless I really deserve it. I saw the movie "Gandhi" some time ago and the movie did much to strengthen my convictions. His courage and determination is awe inspiring. I realised that one who follows the path of righteousness need not be afraid of anything ... he is the strongest person irrespective of his dimensions. People may say that honesty is no longer the best policy but at the end, only an honest person will be able to look into his own eyes in the mirror ... and that is what really counts.

As for my first blog, in which i wrote about myself, I don't think I have changed much. I still have quite the same outlook. Only that I read quite a few books this year, the best of which were "Those Days" and "To Kill a Mocking Bird".

Among the poems I think I like all of them... each of my poems speaks out what I felt at that point of time. I think I went through a bit of a low that time. I wasn't exactly happy ... I don't know why. Even among the company of my friends I felt estranged. I wanted to run away from everyone. "The string of life" conveys exactly that.

I felt sick of liking someone, who, at that point of time, I thought, din't like my company at all... I wrote "The flickering candle".

I felt extremmely lonely on the terrace one evening and as i walked, I knitted the poem "The koel's song" in my mind and I came back home and gave shape to it. "The Crazy diamond" was also written in similar circumstances when I was trying to convince myself that I need to care a damn for others and move on in life - as long as I knew that i was doing no wrong I shouldn't care whether things were going right for me or not.

The reason why I am not writing poems anymore is probably because I am very happy (touch wood) . Most poets are sad men ... so I am happy that I am not writing poems anymore.

Being able to give word to one's thought is an art and I want to develop it. Blogging helped me do that to some extend over the last one year...!!! I hope I keep writing something every week at least - whatever I feel at that point of time - I want to write that .... I hope I succeed.

The sweet tastes of freedom

At last the days for which I had been waiting for have come … post CA inter, lazy n fun filled days. After 3-4 months I don’t have to think about what I will have to study once I get up in the morning while going to sleep. Neither do I have to wonder whether going out for a movie or a lunch with friends will be feasible or not… I’ve been left free to bask in the winter sun … enjoy the mid day siestas … play cricket with kids… chat endlessly with friends … n the list goes on…

One thing I must admit … these exams were not easy. The effort I put in for these exams must be equal to the total effort put in by me for all the previous exams (ICSE + ISC + PE 1 + Part 1). And now that I have come out of it with a decent performance I feel really satisfied.

Coming to my plans over the next few days … I plan to see many movies, play a lot of cricket and badminton, read a lot of books, try my hand at the guitar and probably join some NGO so that I don’t waste all my time in just wordly pleasures.

That’s it then … my blog had been dormant for quite sometime now, but now I hope it will be more veracious … keep coming back !!!

Over the moon...

If want to talk to a happy person, 9830306265 is the number.

Yeah I am happy … very happy indeed. I realize that nothing gives more happiness than the company of the people you love. Today after almost one year Ankur is back and I just can’t believe it … it’s just too good to be true. Probably the hug at the airport was just to ensure that he is really there … no illusions.

And to top it, Rohit Bhaiya will be back by the end of this month. All the loneliness I felt over the last few months seems to have been dissolved in this happiness of being close to loved ones … for one month I shall have someone to share mocktails at the middle of the night!!

Speaking materially he has brought a cart load of chocolates and a digital music player (that can fit into my wallet), but then all that isn’t significant.

Can’t think of much to write about … but yeah I must ensure that I don’t neglect my studies, but then I think Ankur will be more concerned that I work harder than what I am presently.

That’s it then… more later

An update

Not posted for a long long time again. Though life has not been too interesting, but then quite a lot of things do happen over a period of 2 months.

Headlines: (from the date of my last blog i.e. 16th Jun)

1. I realised that I need to study very hard for inter

2. Tissu Didi got married

3. A couple of my friends' b'days

4. Read "Da Vinci Code" n "Those Days" by Sunil Gangopadhyay

5. College reopened

6. Had a bad accident and a miraculous escape

7. Can't think of anymore ...

I wouldn't like to discuss most of the above in details, especially about the accident. A lot has been said about it and a concrete story has been finally knitted (It may be different from the truth, but neverthless it sounds convincing). Actually it all happened in a split second and it is difficult to recapitulate what happened exactly and so many people asked for a detailed explanation that I had to weave a story by connecting vaguely whatever I remembered ... I guess most of the reports on news on crimes and accidents are also weaved much the same way!!!

As for my CA Inter ... i need to forget all else n study real hard. I am not in a bad position, but still I need to work hard to get decent results. I have put Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" up on my notice board to motivate me. My Bro's expert comments on that :

"After November replace the last lines with :

The woods are lovely, dark n deep

I have kept the promises I had to keep

And now it's time to go to sleep

And now it's time to go to sleep."

!!!!

Just waiting for those days

And yeah ... "Those Days" was an amazing book. A must read ... especially for Kolkatans n idealists. I will write about it in details later. Da vinci code was exciting but I woudn't call it a "great book"

Bhaiya is coming back day after tomorrow and Rohit Bhaiya by the end of this month. So I can be assured that I wont be lonely for quite sometime now. So Mr.Koel, I have found company for myself ... time u do the same too !!! (refer to my poem "the koel's song")

Anyways ... I must sleep now. Gotta wake up tomorrow morning n study a bit a of Tax. All my well wishers are requested to pray for me in their prayers. (Pray that I study hard)

BBye

...

Teen ... no more

So ... I am 20 today !!!

So all the people who so lovingly call me "teen", may take note that my teens are gone. That doesn't imply you gotta call me "Kushal". When i was nineteen, u call me "teen", so now that I am twenty u may as well call me "ty" (pronounced as "tee" and not "tie")

Sick joke??? .... sorry ...

I very well know that I shall remain the same old teen for all of you ... naughty, pampered, spilling water (or milk, for a change) on the dining table and getting a good jhaad from dad ... somethings never change!!!

Had a wonderful day today. After lots of planning, re-planning and then again re-planning, we finally decided to go to Silver Oak. The food was decent, but since there was a load shedding, the A.C.'s weren't working and it got real hot and suffocating by the time we left. Then we went to sparkz and had a nice time there. By the way, "we" includes myself, Niraj, Golu, Nidhi, Akansha (full timers), Rashi and Payal (almost full timers) and Amrita, Mohit and Hema (in guest appearance). Sparks was followed by ice cream at Mama Mia.

In the evening, I played "mario" with Yash and then Shreya n Yash had dinner with us.

All in all, a perfect birthday ... had a real nice time ... many people remembered my birthday and called me up... was a nice feeling, though I usually am not very senti about all this.

Thanx to all ... n Sonu Bhaiya ... u can improve your singing skills so that next time u can add to your score of 4 out of 10. U have one year's time ... so practise hard!!!

Tagged

tagged by sonu bhaiya !!!

Total Number of Books I own
...many! mostly fiction...

Last Book I bought
Catch 22 (yet to start)

Last book I Read
To Kill a Mocking bird (simply amazing)

Five books that Mean a Lot to Me
1. To Kill a mocking bird
2. Room on the roof (Best book possible for a teenager)
3. Collected Fiction by Ruskin Bond (The simplicity of his stories is just mind blowing)
4. Catcher in the Rye ( U have to read it to know it)
5. Malgudi days (Requires no comments)

Tag five people and have them do this on their blogs

None of my friends have a blog ...
hahahaha
n books??? .... u must be kiddin....

To kill a mocking bird

I started reading this book last year on my way to Madras. However, I must have read just about 40 pages because a lot of time was spent chatting with Ankur and sleeping. Back in Calcutta, I forgot all about it.

Last week, as soon as my exams ended, I got hold of this book again and to be very precise I found it simply awesome and it can easily go down as one of the best books I have ever read.

Narrated by a girl who is describing her life between the age of 8 to 10, the story blends the trivialities of childhood with the enormities of societal evils and prejudices. It is a picture of the real world seen through the innocent eyes of a child. As one reads this book, one realizes that the laws of children are universal … all of us have been through this phase and have much the same psychology. Imagination runs wild and reality is given a backseat when the choice is between what is true and what the child wants to be true.

I remember very well that when Ankur was about 12-13 years old, he suddenly began to change, which provoked Shreya and me to boycott him for sometime because he did not enjoy the kiddish stuff we did. In this story too, Scout found Jem’s change in behavior quite unacceptable when he reached this age and she often quarreled with him for acting ‘too big’.

However, this book is not just about childhood. It is actually centers around a trial of a rape case, which throws light on the prejudices that exist in our society, in this case against the Negroes. The accused, Tom, a negroe is convicted, even though Atticus, Scout’s father, and Tom’s lawyer had produced enough evidence to prove that Tom was absolutely innocent and in fact the said rape had not taken place at all. His conviction and later on his death, did not affect the general people at all. For them it was just “one nigger less”.

Atticus, was not just the father of Scout. He was her ideal and hero. His words - “ before I can live with other folks, I’ve got to live with myself. One thing that does not abide the majority’s rule is a person’s conscience.” - clearly shows the strength of his character.

The book moved me like none before. It made me laugh when Jem climbed up the tree house and induced tears when Tom was convicted. It brought me back the beautiful days of childhood along with the harsh realization that things are far from the perfection we then perceived.

The Koel's Song

O Koel, I hear thy beautiful song,
Everyday in the evening;
Though your song never really changes
Each day it seems to have a new meaning.

At times it’s got a touch of pain,
At times it seems to be full of joy;
Did something insignificant hurt you?
Or did you find for yourself, a new toy?

At times it seems to call for someone
With whom your thoughts you can share;
And then there is a bit of pride in your song
You know you sing better than
The other birds out there.

But the crows have got
Other crows to fight with,
The pigeons laze around in groups,
The sparrows, always so very cheerful,
Hop around and play in large troops.

But you, o koel, are always there
Sitting alone on that mango tree;
Everyone around has got some company
Except for you and me.

To Rohit ... on his B'Day

Remembering those ‘langur’ days
In half pants – flying kites;
Remembering those long addas
On the terrace on summer nights;
Remembering those mad trips
To Chandni on your scooter;
That early morning walk
When you suddenly felt the pressure;
That pandal hopping spree
Out of nowhere at mid night;
Watching cricket together
Abusing Pakis with full might.

Wonderful times … aren’t they?
They shall come back with you.
Friends are many
Friends like you are few.
By the way, am I forgetting anything?
Yeah – A Very happy Birthday to YOU !!!
Hope u have a blast with your crew.

Crazy Diamond

There may be happy days
When the grass is green,
Or difficult times
When resources are mean;
There I may stand all alone
Staring straight into the sun,
Or there I may be
Amidst a multitude – having fun;
People may love me one day
And despise me the other,
But Crazy Diamond I am-
I shall shine on forever.

Update on Current Situation

Life is beginning to get rather tough with the pressure of studies mounting. But then these times come every once in a while and there’s nothing new to it. The same guilt feeling that I wish I had been a bit more sincere previously. The same repentance for not having stuck to the somewhat ambitious time table I had chalked out a couple of months ago. And even now, here I am wasting time typing this worthless blog, instead of doing some serious work.

But life’s like that. Anyways, the situation is not that bad after all. Just one out of the four honors papers is unprepared, and I guess that can be managed easily. As for the others, an okay types preparation will suffice. But the real test lies ahead of the B.Com exams.

I have to work hard for CA Inter. It is not an easy exam and it requires a lot of effort just to pass and just passing is not my aim. I have to perform well and do justice to my caliber. I didn’t do that in Foundation and am still somewhat upset about it, though getting the certificate for the best paper in Mathematics did comfort me a bit.

Life has suddenly become a bit stagnated. It is not getting a move on. Every time I want to do something new, I realize that exams are round the corner and I must wait. Have not seen any movie for the past many days, though a couple of good movies went by, which I really did want to watch.

Joe Satrianni is performing at Salt Lake Stadium on 15th May, and just feel a bit for me, I have my Cost exam the very next day and hence I shall miss out on a rare rock concert at Kolkata. I had planned out a trek after B.Com and that also seems to be in jeopardy with Bhaiya coming right then. Not that I am not desperate to be with bhaiya, but that the timing of the trek and his homecoming is such that I shall be able to enjoy just one, and obviously you know which is the one.

I am getting itchy with all this stagnation. India’s constant defeats (in cricket) is not helping matters either. Hoping for something ‘happening’ to happen to provide some spice in life.

The string of life

Society is a constraint -
I wanna break free;
There are beautiful forests
And high mountain tops
Waiting just for me.

With passion and madness
Brimming in my heart,
I dream of a world
Where rationality departs.

The images in my mind
Are somewhat blurred;
But I can see myself dancing
With the people whom I love.

But as I open my eyes
I chance upon reality -
I am but a kite
Whose string is society.
It seems to restrict
The freedom of my thought,
But if it breaks away
I shall be lost !

Glimpses from a fleeting mind

This phase of life is a real strange bit. You seem to have an enormous amount of energy trapped inside you but no where to release it. Your mind becomes a fleeting deer that runs from one field to another in search of greener grass, but soon realises that the grass is the same in all the fields but still inside you the hope of finding that green grass is alive and you keep on trying new fields.

That is what is happening to me. Nothing seems to satisfy me. I always feel hungry ... donno for what ... and this unknown hunger tranforms into frustration.

anyways ... cutting the crap...

Where do we go from here?

You may just remember the song “Baje Sargam Bankar Desh Raag”. You may also remember a little video “ek anek” with the evergreen melody “ek chiria, anek chiria…”. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Yeah, they are golden pieces from the Doordarshan of 12-15 years ago.

As I watched the video and heard the song, I was led to think about the fall in the depth of the general mass around me. Videos such as “ek anek” go a long way to teach toddlers the basic concept of plurality as well as the strength of unity. The melodious song and the simple cartooning also make it very attractive. The problem is that nowadays television shows only what is sold. Cartoon Network and other channels offer so much crap to children that even if such videos were shown on the television, one out of a thousand would actually end up watching it.

I don’t blame the kids for this. I blame the way they are being brought up. Being forced to learn to know and recite ABCD, before they can even say “Mummy” properly, makes them anti-academic from the day their academic life begins, i.e. probably at the age of 18 months. Apart from that, the modern marketing system offers such a lot to these children, that having a material orientation becomes simply inevitable.

And why just these little kids, look at my generation. At least in the commerce section, I can say that there is absolute and complete lack of depth. The boys and girls (or should I say the ‘guys’ n ‘gals’) are just not willing to express their thoughts and opinion on any subject of intellectual importance. I can say that my friend circle consists of the cream of the commerce department. It is not possible to find a better lot of students for friends.

Yet, at times, their orientation disillusions me. Never do I find them talking about a good book they may have read, neither do they talk about any good movies. For example, they may talk at length about a rubbish movie they saw and hated, but though everyone liked the movie ‘Black’, not once did we discuss the beauty of the movie.

I must say that the environment I live in has become artificial and adulterated. People have stopped liking purity. Look at the music these days… absolutely artificial. They don’t make any sense whatsoever … no melody, no instrumental effect, and I better not speak about the lyrics.

Ask them about Pink Floyd, the reaction … “ What’s that?” I don’t have any problem if you don’t know about it. There are millions of meaningful things I don’t know of. But yes, if someone tells me about something good that I don’t know of, I make an effort to find out more about it or try it out at least and then draw an opinion about it.

The basic problem is that people are just not willing to broaden their horizons in the right direction. Materialism is distracting them and pulling them away. Creativity is being crushed under the wheels of fast moving money. The question is – Where do we go from here?

My Little Heaven

When days are heavy, tough and dry
I turn to thee - my little heaven;
Thy wealth bedazzles me
My spirit dances with glee.

Thy tender grass kissing my feet,
Sunflowers tossing their heads
in the cool summer breeze,
The birds returning home together,
The sky changing its magnificent color.

It’s then I wonder how lucky I am
To have thee so near me;
If happiness is the gift of God
You give this gift to me.

The Flickering Candle

You are a flickering candle
I’m waiting for you to extinguish
But at the same time
Fighting against all odds
My heart says you’ll burn on.

Yeah I want you to burn on
But the truth I know shall reign
'Cause flickering candles don’t give light
Fighting against the wind
All they do is to kindle the desire for light
And leave you thirsty and dry.

Paradox of Emotions

The last two blogs, written within a space of 1 week, are like absolutely contradictory… but life’s like that… A Paradox of Emotions. One moment you are over the moon and in the next, down in the dumps.

I, myself, used to be a moody kind of a person till sometime back but things have changed and nowadays usually I am in high spirits. But still everyone tends to get frustrated at times. It must seem that I am trying to rationalize my previous blog. No, it’s not that way. I think it is perfectly all right to be in a not so good mood at times and since I had no one to vent my frustration upon, I did it on the blog.

Anyways, what I was saying is that very little things effect our emotions. Insignificant things may make us very happy and even more insignificant things may make us feel depressed. This is absolutely inexplicable and I am not gonna rummage my brains for a research in this field. All I know is that I managed to get that bug of loneliness off my skin in real good time and now its back to good times… :-)

this bug of loneliness

I guess bhaiya is not gonna like this blog … because it is kind of senti, but the fact is that this bug of loneliness is biting deep into me. I don’t have any lack of friends, but the fact is that back home there is absolutely no one with whom I can talk or just spend time with. It is just that I go to tution, have a nice time there, but as turn I homewards, my steps become slow and heavy – at home, its either the computer or music or books (academic or otherwise) and I am beginning to get sick of them. It’s alright for sometime, but then you get completely pissed off. You yearn for some human company but it is just not there … Bhaiya, Didi, Rohit Bhaiya … why have you all gone so far away leaving me all alone?

And the worst part is that it is gonna stay this way for sometime now – bhaiya n didi, u people are not going to come for many months now… Rohit Bhaiya ... you may be back before them, but still it’s more than 2 months away. And by then my tuitions will also get over… whatever will happen then?


There is no one with whom I can share a cup of late night coffee, no one in whose company I can listen to music or watch movies, no one to talk of old times or just get lost in some adda...


I am not depressed or anything, but still - this bug, on certain days, begins to bite deep into my skin, and I feel like crying out in pain – but what’s the use … There is no one to hear my cries…

Good times...

Guilty of not having posted anything for almost a month now, I realize that no matter how strong my resolution of writing something once a week, be it worthwhile or not, or why just blogging, no matter whatever positive resolution I make, I shall never make it come good.

But I have an alibi – I had my sent up exams in college and my mind was pre occupied with it!!! (Those who saw me studying for these exams will blow my head off for faking an alibi) Whatever be the reason, I didn’t have much to write or probably I didn’t want to right much, the thing is that I didn’t write and I am not feeling guilty about it, quite contrary to my opening line.

I understand that whatever I am writing now is all crap and you must be thinking of closing this window (I know you haven’t closed it already because you are reading this line), the crux of the matter is that I just wanted to post something in order to keep my blog alive.

Anyways, since I have already started writing, I guess I should just update you on what I have been upto. I may add that I have had a very good new year till now. The weather has been good, I have been in some good company and I also gave four sunday tests, which is very satisfying indeed. Sonu Bhaiya was here for almost a week and we had some good adda sessions and though we did not go out much, we did have a good time. Juhi and Kuku were also here for a couple of days and though i could hardly spent any time with them, meeting them itself gives me a lot of pleasure.

Then bhaiya sent me a digital camera (Canon S410) and a real amazing camera it is and it is no surprise that all of a sudden I have developed a keen interest in nature photography. If you haven’t done so already, you can check out some of them in the album “nice ones” at http://photos.yahoo.com/kushal_mast . As mentioned earlier, I had my sent up exams at college and I managed to scrape through them. They were not all that good, but it doesn’t make much difference – the bottom line is that I will pass in all the subjects and that it good enough. Another major good news for me is that I have been freed of getting up at 5 in the morning till July. Only a Xaverian can understand the value of such freedom.

Anyways, I don’t have much more to write. I think you can already guess that I am having a very good time. That’s it then … please keep the comments coming … ciao

Swades

Well, we had something called moral science classes from class 1 to class 10 and then we had something called “Value Education” (!!!) classes in class 11 and class 12. Today I saw ‘Swades’ and was pleasantly reminded of those wonderful periods in which we could complete our home works or study for tests or simply make up for some lost sleep.

The movie wasn’t that bad after all, but it was a major drag. It focuses on illiteracy, caste barriers, rigidity and other evils that still plague parts of rural India. But, aren’t we aware of it already? Do you need to emphasize again and again? And then the duties of NRIs towards their motherland. Aren’t they already contributing in the form of foreign exchange inflow into the country? A country like ours where employment is a huge problem, isn’t it favorable that some of our countrymen go out so that there is more scope for those left behind?

But as I said, it wasn’t all that bad. The shooting has been terrific. The portrayal of rural India has been very realistic. The houses, the roads, the fields, etc have been etched the way they really are. The dressing of the village people, their language, their attitudes were very natural. This made the movie somewhat interesting, especially if one has an eye for great details.

Another good thing about this movie was that for once Shah Rukh Khan was Mohan Bhargav and not Shah Rukh Khan in the movie. The reason why I have started disliking Shah Rukh Khan is that in all the movies he never gets into the character but rather has the character getting into him. His unnecessary 'cool' attitude n his crocodile tears, usually make him unbearable. But here we get to see a different Shah Rukh Khan, who acted out his part well. I must also complement his wardrobe designer. He was really well dressed throughout the movie. Nothing flamboyant - precisely what a person of his kind would wear.

But the songs… they made the movie seem endless. Even though a couple of tracks were Okay, but still, on the whole songs were like high bumpers on a road already full of ditches.

Another good thing about the movie was that though there was an element of romance, there was never too much emphasis on it. The focal point of the movie was to impart some moral lessons to the viewers and that it did. Now, its upto the viewer whether he likes it or not. I for my part found it average.