Paradox of Emotions

The last two blogs, written within a space of 1 week, are like absolutely contradictory… but life’s like that… A Paradox of Emotions. One moment you are over the moon and in the next, down in the dumps.

I, myself, used to be a moody kind of a person till sometime back but things have changed and nowadays usually I am in high spirits. But still everyone tends to get frustrated at times. It must seem that I am trying to rationalize my previous blog. No, it’s not that way. I think it is perfectly all right to be in a not so good mood at times and since I had no one to vent my frustration upon, I did it on the blog.

Anyways, what I was saying is that very little things effect our emotions. Insignificant things may make us very happy and even more insignificant things may make us feel depressed. This is absolutely inexplicable and I am not gonna rummage my brains for a research in this field. All I know is that I managed to get that bug of loneliness off my skin in real good time and now its back to good times… :-)

this bug of loneliness

I guess bhaiya is not gonna like this blog … because it is kind of senti, but the fact is that this bug of loneliness is biting deep into me. I don’t have any lack of friends, but the fact is that back home there is absolutely no one with whom I can talk or just spend time with. It is just that I go to tution, have a nice time there, but as turn I homewards, my steps become slow and heavy – at home, its either the computer or music or books (academic or otherwise) and I am beginning to get sick of them. It’s alright for sometime, but then you get completely pissed off. You yearn for some human company but it is just not there … Bhaiya, Didi, Rohit Bhaiya … why have you all gone so far away leaving me all alone?

And the worst part is that it is gonna stay this way for sometime now – bhaiya n didi, u people are not going to come for many months now… Rohit Bhaiya ... you may be back before them, but still it’s more than 2 months away. And by then my tuitions will also get over… whatever will happen then?


There is no one with whom I can share a cup of late night coffee, no one in whose company I can listen to music or watch movies, no one to talk of old times or just get lost in some adda...


I am not depressed or anything, but still - this bug, on certain days, begins to bite deep into my skin, and I feel like crying out in pain – but what’s the use … There is no one to hear my cries…

Good times...

Guilty of not having posted anything for almost a month now, I realize that no matter how strong my resolution of writing something once a week, be it worthwhile or not, or why just blogging, no matter whatever positive resolution I make, I shall never make it come good.

But I have an alibi – I had my sent up exams in college and my mind was pre occupied with it!!! (Those who saw me studying for these exams will blow my head off for faking an alibi) Whatever be the reason, I didn’t have much to write or probably I didn’t want to right much, the thing is that I didn’t write and I am not feeling guilty about it, quite contrary to my opening line.

I understand that whatever I am writing now is all crap and you must be thinking of closing this window (I know you haven’t closed it already because you are reading this line), the crux of the matter is that I just wanted to post something in order to keep my blog alive.

Anyways, since I have already started writing, I guess I should just update you on what I have been upto. I may add that I have had a very good new year till now. The weather has been good, I have been in some good company and I also gave four sunday tests, which is very satisfying indeed. Sonu Bhaiya was here for almost a week and we had some good adda sessions and though we did not go out much, we did have a good time. Juhi and Kuku were also here for a couple of days and though i could hardly spent any time with them, meeting them itself gives me a lot of pleasure.

Then bhaiya sent me a digital camera (Canon S410) and a real amazing camera it is and it is no surprise that all of a sudden I have developed a keen interest in nature photography. If you haven’t done so already, you can check out some of them in the album “nice ones” at http://photos.yahoo.com/kushal_mast . As mentioned earlier, I had my sent up exams at college and I managed to scrape through them. They were not all that good, but it doesn’t make much difference – the bottom line is that I will pass in all the subjects and that it good enough. Another major good news for me is that I have been freed of getting up at 5 in the morning till July. Only a Xaverian can understand the value of such freedom.

Anyways, I don’t have much more to write. I think you can already guess that I am having a very good time. That’s it then … please keep the comments coming … ciao