The kite is still flying

Why doesn't the kite fly the same way it used to?
Why has the wind changed its direction?
Why am I muscling to keep it afloat,
Whereas yesterday the wind was doing it for me?

No longer do the colours flash in the background of
Sun playing hide and seek with strange shaped clouds.
It's a plain white kite moving lazily across the horizon
Trying to cut clear of the antennas and tree tops.

Waiting for a gust of wind to get it into its elements again
The kite stays afloat with the candle of hope burning
I look across the expansive sky and spot a movement in the cloud
Is it the old breeze blowing up or just an illusion?

Murderous Intentions

One thing I desperately want to do right now is to kill Himesh Reshamiya. With the slum people playing his "noisy n nosey" songs since yesterday at more than a 100 decibels, I feel like tearing my hair apart.

God, why does he vent out his frustrations on innocent souls like us?

I never knew that singing through the nose in a cacophony of all kinds of tech music is a cure for constipation.

An evening at the Maidan

The other day (the evening before my B.Com Hons paper) I happened to take a stroll down the Kolkata Maidan, my hands clutching a book and my eyes following a couple of kites, each trying to assert its supremacy over the other, in the background of the majestic Victoria Memorial and I realised that heaven is not far away, that is, if you associate heaven with freedom.

To see young kids play cricket brought back beautiful memories when even I used to spend half of my summer hols with a bat in my hands and the other half either thinking about the day gone by or planning for the upcoming day. (I have lost count of the number of times I must have played cricket with Sachin, sometimes at the Lords and at other times in my backyard, in my dreams).

There were others playing football, and though I haven't played much football, Ankur and I had a hearty laugh remembering the racket I, a 9 year old kid, had created at home, when I wanted spiked football boots for some silly interhouse football tournamnent and was promptly refused. In fact, playing football in muddy slush still appeals to me, but I neither have the time nor any company to do the same.

And then there were the kite flyers ... the street kids belonging to the same clan as I do. For me, kite flying is more that just a passion. It has a symbolic importance in my life. And that reminds me that this season I shall be flying kites with Rohit. In fact, had it not been for kites, maybe he and I woudn't have been as great friends as we are. Together, we have created a little universe of our own, in which we have our own lingo, our own methodology. Our dress code is usually ultra short pants, faded t shirts and sunglasses. The fore fingers of our right hand get scarred, like those of Arjun, the only difference being that his fingers were scarred by the string of his bow while ours get scarred by that of the kite.

And then there were the species that you expect to find at any public place in this city ... the eternal lovers (bhalo basha couples). The protocol I noticed was that the couple came on a motorcycle, parked it at any empty spot in the vast grassland, and made themselves comfortable under the coziness of their vehicle. It was something new I was seeing and it kind of amused me. I was also slightly jealous of them. The weather that day was good and it would be nice to have a walk in the anonymity of the maidan with someone special. Just that I am yet to find that someone special. [and just to clarify that even if I would have found my Ms. Special, I would not like to get as cozy as those people, in the public !!!]

Today I carried my latai to Varun's place and we had planned to fly kites in the maidan, after studying for tomorrow's exam for an hour or so. But alas, the Rain Gods weren't too pleased with our plans, so I have deferred my plan of flying kites at the Maidan to some other day.

And yes, to conclude, I did get hold of the No.10 Argentine jersey today (as I had decided to do, while writing my previous blog).

World Cup 2006

The Football World Cup is round the corner and as usual I am gearing up to support Argentina. Hopefully I'll get hold of a No.10 Argentine jersey.

But I am not very sure whether I am really looking forward for this World Cup because the one person with whom I have watched all football tournaments, be it World Cup or Euro Cup, will not be there to share my passion.

I distinctly remember how Dad and I woke up late till night watching football matches. It was all the more enjoyable because we always supported the same team, but had totally different attitudes. He was an out and out pessimist and I never lost hope until the last moment. At times we used to get into an arguement because of this difference of attitude, but then there lay the fun. And I remember that Ankur used to enjoy the most. Being a rather touchy kid, I used to get a bit upset at times when Argentina or Germany would not do well and Dad would get back to his pessimistic ways, and he would get some weird pleasure out of this paradoxical situation.

But as they say, times moves on ... at times we hope that we move back in time to relive those golden moments, but then, we know that it is just not possible. The other day I read somewhere that the biggest obstacle in moving ahead is the wall of the past... trying my best to overcome that.

But the bottomline remains ... Soccer World Cup shall never be the same (until maybe my son turns out to be an Argentine fan and we sit n watch matches together... hope keeps the candle burning).

"Dreams lying shattered in the aftermath of the storm
They are just broken pieces of glasses - reflecting memory of days gone"

Missing the craziness

I have 3 very simple dreams:

- To see Sachin Tendulkar score a blazing century at the Edens
- To watch a live concert of Pink Floyd
- To travel across Europe with my love interest (and yes the gondolas of Venice)

This is the real Kushal - the crazy Kushal.

I have madness bubbling inside me, but I just can't let it out. I have to be sensible and good. There are things I am supossed to do because of a million reasons and I just can't ignore them. And over the next 3 years (i.e. PWC years) I don't think I'll get an opportunity to do all the mad things I have always yearned to do, but haven't been able to - a trek in the Himalayas, a week at a Wildlife Sanctuary, etc.

These things seem so distant - nowadays I hardly get to meet my friends even. Everyone's busy with office. Even weekends are not spared and if they are, we feel like spending it with our families.

They say life is not a bed of roses and I completely agree. No, I am not cribbing. I am very happy with what I am doing because I know I am doing the right thing. [Today morning I happened to attend a Gita Class, where it was said that nothing can give more satisfaction than doing what we are supposed to do] Quite right. And then, I only think that doing mad things like those mentioned above will please me ... I can never be sure that they really will ... its just my conception.

But still, all said and done, I am missing the craziness ... getting wet in the rain, flying kites in the evening or simply doing nothing at all ...

" The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river
Forever and ever"

Half Century

So finally, after 79 weeks of blogging, I have managed to reach my 50th blog. It's been a slow and long innings, but though there has been phases of dormancy, my blog is still going strong.

Ok ... Got it ... it is a Test innings and not a one day innings. So taking that into consideration, my strike rate is not all that bad ... something like 63.29

Anyways, as I raise my bat towards the scanty audience, I wish to invite views from the few viewers on how my innings has been ... please oblige... thanks

My Self Obsession

Let it be a day of very honest confessions.

I tend to speak too much about myself, maybe trying to show how good or great I am, while from within I know that I am not all that good really. I want people to have a good impression about me, failing to realize that I should let my actions speak and not my words. In simple words, it is “Self obsession”. I want to be the best, but I am not, but I want others to believe that I am the best.

When Bhaiya says that I try to make others feel that I am doing something very important, it irritates me, basically because it is the fact and as is very commonly said, “Sachai kadwi hoti hai.”

I think that this one weakness may eclipse my many other strengths.

I want to make a resolution – to be what I am and not try to create a false impression of goodness on people by talking too much about myself. I should have the courage to accept my weaknesses and I should try n work on them rather than closing my eyes to them.

Lets see, how far I can do that …

From Rohit

From Rohit

Received this mail from Rohit today … believed that it deserved a place on my blog

:-)

Hey dude,
hear is a small poem for you

i can read your mind ,
and i know your story,
i see what you are going through,
its an uphill climb,and im feeling sorry,im not there
but i know it will come to you, ...dont surrender
cause you can win,
in this thing called life.

When you want it the most ,theres no easy way out,
when youre ready to go ,and your hearts left in doubt,
dont give up on your faith
sucess comes to those who believe it
and thats the way it is.

when you question me for a simple answer
i dont know what to say,
but its plain to see--if we stick together
youre gonna find the way- yeah
so dont surrender cause you can win in this
thing called life.
and thats the way it is.

when life is empty with no tomorrow
and loneliness starts to call
babe dont worry-forget your sorrow
cause loves gonna conquer it all.

thinking of you at this right moment
you will get a hand written letter in 15 days
rohit
10.03.06

Talking Cricket

So I am back doing what I do the best ... talk cricket ... fancying myself as one of the innumerable self crowned experts.

Today i got to see the match, stories of which I shall be relating to my grandchildren, when trying to show them how big a cricket enthusiast I used to be. Maybe by that time scoring 434 in an innings will be like taking a walk in the park, but in today's world it is an almost impossible feat to acheive and then successfully chasing it is, in simple, doing the impossible. That's what I witnessed today. Australia, riding on Ponting's back to reach 434 and South Africa topping that with Gibbs smashing 176 in 111 balls. It was crazy and I consider myself lucky for having seeing the match live.

Talking about Mike Hussey, I think the world missed another Bradman. The way he is playing now, he seems to be ready to break all records, but alas, he came a bit too late and he wont have the time to make it to the top of the charts.

And finally coming to my (and the country's) favourite. What has he done to himself. He, in simple words, is a shadow of what he used to be.

"Where is that glory, that reverence now?"

Frankly speaking, I were to put my money on who'll score the lowest among the top 6 batsmen in the current Indian team, I would put it on Sachin. He's lost it. I dont think he has played even a single "match winning" innings since WC'03. He may have scored some centuries n all, but none of them can be called spectacular. His shots still have the unparalleled quality, but rarely does he stay on the crease for enough time to execute enough number of them, to draw sighs from the spectators. Cutting it short, Sachin is no longer Sachin.

Cribbers

I hate cribbers.

People who keep complaining, talking vaguely, trying in vain to show how pathetic their life is ...

I just can't stand that.

I believe that a person who cribs shall crib no matter how rosy the road is, and a person who does not shall not, no matter how difficult life is.

"With all its sham, drudegery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world
Be cheerful
Strive to be happy"

Trying my best to adopt these lines as the principle of my life

Hey Dad

Hey Dad

Happy Anniversary to u .... wherever you are... missing u badly

just can't help thinking about 1 yr ago...

Price Waterhouse Coopers

Two weeks into my "professional life", I can say that till now my experience at PWC has been quite good.

First of all, I have a good peer circle. Most of the new articles are fun to be with, and even those who are not exactly "fun" to be with, are quite nice people. In the first week we were not given any work, so we could chat in the canteen all day, and that made us good friends. However, none of them are in my group. But still, the people who are there in my group seem pretty cool as well.

I have also gone there with a good reputation. The word has spread in the office that the Eastern India topper is there, so whenever i meet someone new, he already knows me by name at least ... so that adds to my ego :-)

As I said, we were quite jobless in the first week, but last week we did have some work. a couple of day we had to do a couple of self study courses, which were quite pakau. However, I did manage to clear them anyhow. Last two day I had to go to client office. First, I had to go to Sony India's warehouse for stock taking. It was fun. The warehouse was enormous, with thousands of TV's and Music systems and other Sony products. Yesterday I had to go to some NGO to assist my senior in checking the accounts. Though, it wasn't exactly enjoyable, I got chhutti early, so I didn't mind it much.

Anyways, till now my PWC experience has not been bad. I hope I keep enjoying it. I know that I'll have to work very hard and that it wont be fun all the time, but still I hope that I take everything in my stride positively and enjoy my 3 years here.

Common guys ... wish me good luck at least

I've done it ... again

All India Rank 8 ... Eastern India Rank 1 (so it seems) .., n that too in C.A. Inter ... I had dreamt of it but I never expected it to come true ... n now that it has ... i feel like jumping over the moon ... but ohh! I just forgot its a moonless night ....

Life ... as it stands now

Getting up very very late ... hurrying to office ... try to get back home by 6.30 ... waste the rest of the time ... sleep.

No music, no movies, no books, no games ...

In very simple words, this is the kind of life I am leading right now, but in between there is lots more.

Apart from office, my primary occupation right now is playing with my nephew, Vedant (Kutkut, Gattu, Gundu Mundu, etc). At 14 months, he is the perfect age to play with. Half an hour in the morning and all the time after coming back from office, he just clings on to me. It's fun. Especially the way he howls when I come back from office and jumps into my lap even before I can open my shoes. I think he has contributed the most in helping me to get over the tragedy.

Then, Shreya successfully cleared her CA Final exam and now she is a Chartered Accountant ( I am a bit jealous of her). Anyways, yesterday was a big day for our family. I was very worried about her and now we have something to cheer about. I am really really proud of her.

Desperately waiting for my results ... just hope I do well ... at least clear it ... there is no concrete reason, but still, I have my apprehensions. Life will become much more clear then, once I get into full time articleship.

Learning many new things under mama's guidance. Last one month has been a big learning experience and I have to learn a lot more to be able to manage the finances of my family ... I personally feel that it's my resposibilty and I have to do it well.

Another tragedy 3 days ago did put me off for a couple of days, but I think I am becoming immune to pain ... Life isn't very easy now, but then it's just a matter of time ... to rise back to the crest of the roller coaster.

After all the wars are over, a butterfly will still be beautiful

- Ruskin Bond

The year that was...

Thank God ... 2005 is over

And as the new year comes to life, I too have to make a new beginning... a brand new beginning. In the other blog i was cribbing as to how life had become stagnant and why there were no drastric changes in life and then the change struck and how ... and here I am, confused as to whether I should look back at the year that went by or forget everything and look ahead.

I shall look back for once ... because the year did have many moments to savour, though it was all swallowed up by that one moment.

"Well- let me dive into the depths of time,
And bring out from the year that has rolled
A few small fragments of those wrecks sublime,
Which human eyes may never behold"

[ The context in which the poem was originally written may not fit in this situation, but then, the words certainly do ]

The beginning of the year -

It was fun. I remember the sunday tests. For most CA students, it is the biggest pain in the ass, but we (I and my group of friends) really enjoyed it. They were like weekly picnics ... all of us stuffed in the car, carrying tiffins and going to have ice creams or rolls or chaat after the exam... shall never forget those days.

Sonu Bhaiya also dropped in and we had a great time. Also got my digicam ... the year did start with a bang.

Then came the high of the year ... 25th Anniversary of Mom n Dad. It was simply awesome. The whole family had got together after a very long time. I seemed to have wheels under my feet ... making all the arrangements. The party had a touch of perfection ... the decoration, the food, the ambience, everything was better than what we had planned. And then the adda we had after the party, who can forget that ... n mom n dad singing together ...

Then came the B.Com Part 1 exams and during those days I suddenly started feeling lonely, but once the exams were over, I was back in high spirits. Read a few books, played cricket, watched movies.

By now the time to prepare for CA Inter had come, I was not studying enough, but then it wasn't too bad either. Bhaiya also came in August - September. However did not have too much fun with him as Inter was always there at the back of my mind. In the midst of this all, came another high of the year ... my B.Com results ... 83%, 2nd in the college, n most likely in the University as well. I was on top of the world .

October was a slog... studied harder than ever before, but not without the mid night madness with Rohit Bhaiya on Panchami night.

Then came CA Inter ... n I managed to do decently in almost all the papers. However, those 7 days were real tough days. I had never put in so much effort ever before and literally, I was running on medicines !!!

Post Inter, I was having a pretty relaxed time, until nemesis struck and my world came tumbling down. Since then life hasn't been easy... Anyways, I wont write more on that ...

Concluding ... a year of many highs, but little did I know that a big fall awaited me ...

Anyways ... A very happy new year to one and all!!

In wilderness

All of a sudden, I’ve fallen in a dark maze… I really don’t know what lies ahead of me … I have my sense of direction … I know I have to keep walking … But what is my destination… I don’t know … I just have to keep walking.

There are people to show me the direction, but where’s the hand I was holding, I feel around for it … I just can’t accept the fact that I won’t be holding it anymore … But I want to realize it fast … let the worst come and go … this vague world I am living in is just killing me…

Education system going haywire??

Yesterday I met Mr. Kapadia, one of my teachers at school.

It was quite an experience meeting him. Though I was meeting him after more than two years, he remembered me very well. We had a more than one and a half hour chat and we talked on varied topics – politics, cricket, education, school, discipline, literature, history, etc.

A topic we discussed at length was the system of education in India that is going absolutely haywire. The thirst for knowledge is lacking. The only motivation behind getting an education is getting a good job. Getting a good job is important, but I believe that we should not forget that the ultimate aim of education is not getting employment.

Graduate students appear for management examinations, not because they want to become business administrators, but because after getting an MBA degree, getting a job becomes relatively easier. Management institutes are becoming job generators for the students. In fact, the system of doing MBA immediately after graduation is only an Indian concept. Most of the foreign universities require a decent work experience. This is because, according to them, a student must know what to manage before he specializes in management. Management, according to me, is like icing on the cake, rather than the cake itself.

(many people also tell me that I'll be wasting 3 years by doing articleship and giving C.A. final. I should give CAT, do MBA and get a job. All I need to say to them is that I don't want to become a part of the rat race. My intention behind doing C.A. is not just getting a degree, but becoming a good and knowledgeable professional. I shall try for MBA only after completing C.A.)

At the school level, the academic pressure on students is increasing steadily. There is cut throat competition and only the above average do reasonably well. This is resulting in more and more tuitions. Some personal attention is undoubtedly good, but having 5-6 tuitions makes no sense to me.

However, what hurts me more is the plight of the primary school kids. I hardly ever remember coming back home and studying in my junior school days, except on the days before class tests, and that too may be an hour or something. As a result, we had plenty of time for various other activities and that I believe led to all round development, without attending any special classes or anything.

Nowadays, even toddlers have tuitions in the evenings, which according to me, is the time for playing. There is a continuous pressure of home-works, tests, etc. They hardly find any time for reading, indulging in arts and crafts or play silly games with friends. Parents force their kids to read, as it is supposed to be a healthy habit, and even reading becomes a work for them and they don’t enjoy it anymore. Regarding games, things are getting ‘professionalised’ and kids are sent to clubs for playing. I think that this involves unnecessary effort and time. Playing also becomes a work this way. Playing at clubs can never match the fun of spending evenings with friends playing silly games or doing silly things or discussing silly matters.

Is academic pressure and too much professionalism snatching the trivial moments of bliss of children that they would have cherished all their lives? I definitely think so…

College Life

Writing about a life that hardly existed is somewhat difficult, but still as it is one of the phases of life, I thought I should write something about it, now that it has reached its twilight phase.

First of all, can you believe it … the little kid called Teen is at the twilight of his college life … frankly speaking, I myself can’t digest it. I am undoubtedly very happy that a couple of weeks from now, I won’t have to go to college anymore … there is nothing really pleasing about it, but I am also feeling awkward that another phase of my life is coming to an end … have I really grown up so much? I don’t want to become so big so fast … I haven’t had a proper affair till now … disgusting!!!

Most of the early 1990’s movies and many of them even these days center around college students and their affairs … it is difficult to digest that these movies involved people who are supposed to be younger to me … really weird.

I think I am going of the track… coming back to my college life …

IT WAS BAD…

The worst part about it was the timing – getting up at 5 in the morning day in and day out was painful to say the least. Especially, reaching college before sunrise in January was a disgusting experience. (I really pity the profs)

Then, apart from a couple of teachers, none of the teachers were any good. They just delivered lectures and went away, hardly arousing any interest in the subjects. Special mention must be made of 2 teachers – Mr. Lobwo, who taught us Cost and Tax (200 out of 400 marks) and Mr. Roy, who taught us FMO (50 marks). If I would have studied what they had taught us and gone and given the exams, I would have got 38% instead of 83% in part 1.

In the 3rd year, the pressure of C.A. Inter was always there and going to college was a headache. On one hand we had to study for C.A. and on the other we had the problem of attendance. We could never breathe easy. All that was being taught in the college had already been covered by us, and hence attending college was wastage of precious time.

Apart from that, the administration block of our college was as good as a Government Department, their sole objective being how to make life more difficult for the students. There were always huge queues for stupid things and the attitude of the staff was anything but co-operative. The weirdest thing was that after paying fees in the bank, we had to get it verified in the office. It is difficult to imagine that a huge institution like ours does not follow a computerized system for recording of fees paid by students. There are no computerized records of the marks obtained by us in the internal exams as well!!!

Coming to the junta… I was a clear misfit among the crowd. I basically found that most of the students in my college are extremely self- centered. There is no urge for gaining knowledge … I mean the basic objective behind education is getting a job (or being qualified enough to get a good dowry). Inquisitiveness was completely lacking. I also felt that they do not have much respect for the world around them. I always found people criticizing or mocking others … the basic attitude was “I am the best … the rest are all fools.” Best example was one of my classmates showing off that he had never read a book even in his school library with an air that people who read have such lack in life.

At this moment, I am also criticizing but I can’t help it. College Life was a major disappointment.

[But, side-by-side, I had plenty of tuitions and there I found plenty of good friends, so I never really missed college life. None of my friends at my tuition had the above said characteristics so I got along well with them and had plenty of fun.]

At college, I found a very good friend in Varun and I am really grateful to him for all the company he gave me during those boring hours at college. I also made 3-4 other friends at college and though they are not very close to me, I did have fun with them during classes at times.

That, in a nutshell, was my life at St. Xavier’s College. Just 3 more days or regular class and 5 days of exams and then relief. No regrets that my college life has ended. I can just recall one moment that I shall treasure … the ovation I got when I walked into the class after my Part – 1 results !!

Shocking...

Of all the matches I have seen at the Edens, today was by far the most disappointing and what disappointed me more than the poor performance of the side was the attitude and the behaviour of the crowd.

Just because Saurav Ganguly wasn't playing, these buggers were trying to show that they are supporting South Africa to prove that without him the Indian team is impotent. The crowd reaction to Sachin's and Dravid's dismissals showed it all. They clapped and cheered. I am not supporting their poor performance, but I don't think the public has the right to boo people who have contributed such a lot to Indian cricket. Not to forget that in his last appearance at Eden gardens, Dravid had scored back to back hundreds. Why did you cheer him then and boo him today? Just because he has taken over the captaincy of the team that till recently belonged to Sourav?

It basically proves that these people put individuals above the team. Sourav had been shown the boot on the back of a lean patch that had continued for so long that it wasn't a patch anymore. The international arena is not the place where you try and regain form. And now that he has performed he has been selected for the test team. What's wrong with that? It's 100% fair play.

Above all, a pitch condusive to pace ballers had been prepared so that Indian batsmen have problems and the absence of Saurav is felt ... this is heights of narrow mindedness. CAB should be penalised for this by not holding any more matches here for sometime.

I am sorry that I was a part of such an unsporting crowd today.